Thank you so much for your point of view. I became a stay at home father a little over a year ago and have recently had some worries that I am in too deep to ever have a career again especially since finding out my wife is expecting again, lengthening out our full time at home baby time by 5 additional years. I know it has been beneficial to my kids and have even had notes coming home from school about how awesome the kids are!
Ranking how your kids will turn out based on having the financial capability to do absolutely nothing for 5 years vs. Your kids will turn out amazing as long as you LOVE them. Going back to work 6 months post-partum was a blessing for me.
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I got out of my sweatpants and vomit rut, blow dried my hair and took on the world hours out of the week. She is with her dad or my parents while I am at work and yeah every now and then I get a cringe of guilt but at least I do not Resent my daughter for placing me in permanent housewife purgatory. There are pros and cons to every circumstance. This article is trying to address the very real decisions people make about work and kids as couples are starting families later due to cost.
Before I had a kid, I thought one or both of us had to give up our careers forever. If I knew that 10 years ago, I would have been more motivated to have kids earlier. Re-read this article in 10 years. Your views may evolve over time in ways that may surprise you.
Sounds good. I think most views tend to change over 10 years. How do you think my views will change and what are your views? Nikki — I agree with you. Everyone is better off when mom and dad work and kiddos go to high quality child care and preschool. I find the weekends with my toddler and infant to be physically and emotionally draining. Kids need to learn how to make friends and interact with humans that do not provide unconditional love. My sons behavior improved dramatically when he started going to montessori school. We believe that early socialization is incredibly valuable, and i cannot provide that exclusively as a stay at home dad.
However, once the cost of child care is gone, I would find no reason to continue working if our mortgage is paid off and we have zero child care costs. In addition, school only lasts until , so unless you are comfortable with your 5 year old sitting around at a school until 6PM everyday, one of the parents has to quit or at least go part-time. In my opinion, everyone should keep their full time job until the kids start kindergarten, and then if you decide to keep working once all of your major expenses are gone, you have that option.
As a man, once you take more than years off and are older than 40, you have virtually zero chance of getting a decent paying job again.
13 Benefits of Flexible Parenting - One Time Through
I had my first when I was 30 working in the government. It was a well paying stable job but boring. I was moved into a bad team and worked for a micro manager. Luckily, while i was mat leave, I started to expand on my piano teaching business. When I returned to work from mat leave , I had enough students to keep as a part time job and was working 60 hours a week. Long story short, I quit the boring coporate job and went back to my passion, piano. I have more than enough hours of teaching now 30Hours , I can spend all my good hours of the day with my children and teach in the evening when kids are sleeping.
My schedule is my own and I can take the summers off. Been following your blog for several years and I totally agree with you!! My best advice is do what you like to do and spend time with your children because that time is precious and no money can buy that time back.
Congrats on building up your side gig to do what you want and have more freedom! I love that. Everybody has some talent they can monetize. The 2. You will NOT regret giving up money for the time you spend with little one folks. I promise you this. Thank you for sharing your experiences and advice! I was focused more the finances and planning aspect of it. Long run it was a great decision since my wife passed away when kids were 8, 10, and Had we not made that decision, I would have had regrets that kids would not have known their mom so well. DINK — double income, no kids. This is one way to get wealthy.
However, if you plan to have kids be sure to have a plan on how you will deal with the expenses. Childcare is very expensive. Here is how my late wife and I handled it. We knew we wanted kids when we married in Combined we were pulling in decent money since we had very few expenses debt free minus our mortgage at the time. We had decided that she would stay home with the kids when one day we had kids.
We took the decision NOT to use or live off her income, only mine knowing that when we had our first kid, we could financially handle it. Until we had our first child in , we put all her income into investments low cost index mutual funds. When our first child was born, she quit her full time RN position to stay at home with our daughter. Financially, it was an easy transition since we had not been using her income.
This post is not to debate staying home vs. Finally, the most important point of this post is that if you are married or in a partnership and your goal is to build wealth, you MUST be on the same page.
When you read or hear millionaire stories including mine, you will hear them say that their spouse is of the same mindset and on the same page financially. Remember, your home is a business, your business. You are partners in all ways. Regarding money, you must have vision, a plan, a budget, and seamlessly work together. Oh gosh, my condolences. That time your wife spent with your kids was so precious. Thank you for sharing.
This was helped by meeting a 50 year old man who had a 5 year old son. He told me it was his biggest regret as his struggles to bond and be as playful not being so young. As for our kids, Mary stayed at home initially and then when when she went back to work, she did in our own day care, which we run as a business. So she has pretty much spent every single day with our sons. Would I ever want to be a full time dad? For sure! But I know for certain that it would take more work.
Thanks for sharing Ken. I wish I had my son at That 50 year old man you met sure woulda helped give me some perspective! Very cool you guys run a daycare and can take care of your son at the same time. A win-win! I met a pre-school teacher father whose son will join his pre-school next year.
Such good synergy. She also has a Doctorate in Ed. BTW, bought and read your book and was able to package out. All music to my ears! There is no way you will look back and wish you wish you had still worked before your little one went to kindergarten. I was just asked to be a godmother for the first time and suddenly I am needing to plan my life differently.
There is now a greater chance than previously that I will need to raise a child. I need to get my finances together much more quickly. I need to be able to take time off to focus on him intently should that happen. Thankfully, this is just causing me to want to kick the career and savings into high gear so that I can buy more time later.
Look at the different brain sizes of the 3 year olds!! The only hypothesis I have wrt raising a child is: spending more time is better than spending less time. Yes, I can imagine it may be annoying if both parents work and there is some guilt associated with that. But this is not a post to make people feel good. Here is some data from Pew Research study. In , 49 percent of mothers were stay-at-home mothers. That proportion steadily dropped through the decades until , when only 23 percent of moms stayed at home. Since , the percentage of mothers who stayed at home began to increase again, rising by 6 points to 29 percent in The researchers note that recent declines in the labor force participation rate and rising immigration were likely factors in the increase of the stay-at-home rate.
They also indicate that the rise in the proportion of mothers who stayed at home will not likely continue because most mothers surveyed would like to work part-time or full-time. The researchers use demographic data to observe differences between mothers who stay at home and those who have paid employment. Mothers at home tend to be younger than working mothers: 42 percent of stay-at-home moms in were under age 35 compared with 35 percent of working moms, and stay-at-home mothers are more likely to have children under age 5.
In addition, stay-at-home mothers have lower levels of educational attainment and are more likely than working mothers to be living in poverty. Nearly half of the stay-at-home mothers have a high school diploma or less, compared with 30 percent of working mothers, and 34 percent of stay-at-home moms are living in poverty, compared with 12 percent of working mothers. In , approximately 28 percent of American children—a total of On average, mothers at home spend 18 hours a week caring for their children compared with 11 hours for employed mothers.
Stay-at-home mothers spend more time on child care, housework, leisure, and sleep than do their employed counterparts, including spending an extra 7 hours each week on childcare. My wife 38 and I 33 are on the cusp of being able to quit our jobs and afford to pay for college for both our children 2. To answer your question, probably not. They can see their mom or dad kicking ass after they understand what kicking ass in the work place means. But for the first five years, talk to any pediatrician, social anthropologist, child psychologist, etc.
You guys have already made your choice. Parenting may be subjective but science is not. It is a fact that children who have a stay at home parent are less likely to have behavioral issues in school. To be fair, a recent Harvard study showed girls with working moms are more likely to be successful in their jobs than girls with stay at home moms. This story was widely reported by the media. You can give them all the love, support, and nurturing when they need it the most then you can show them your work ethic as they age and can appreciate it.
My husband is in tech and also loves his job. Neither of us would ever think of working part-time or being a stay-at-home parent. When I read this post and the comments and observe my friends who have young children, it really sounds like having children is an awful burden. We have observed our friends with happy marriages become unhappy and hostile due to having a child. At the same time, they say they love their child but are just stressed out. My husband and I think we should have a kid soon because the window for having children is narrowing each year, but we are not willing to sacrifice our marriage or take time off work.
We want to be able to spend time with our child while never having to worry about child care. If you love it, continue doing so.
The only issue is risk and difficuly conceiving if you change your mind later. After 40 gets really difficult for many people. Looks like a good topic for some thoughtful discussion. My spouse and I have two young children. We have tried a variety of care arrangements including: one spouse stays home and the other works full time; two parents work and relative cares for children; two parents work and in-home nanny cares for children; and two parents work and children go to daycare.
For us, the best solution has been two parents work and children go to daycare. These were difficult things for us to be able to provide for our child otherwise. With a relative caring for the children, we found that the children will fit around the schedule of the relative rather than the children having a routine and structured schedule. We also sometimes found conflict between the relative and us, as to how the children were to spend their day. I think the best scenario for us was to have both parents stay home for months.
We spent a lot of time vetting childcare facilities and we were insistent on only looking at facilities which had caretakers with long tenures and bachelors degrees in early childhood education. It was also important for us to find a facility which would challenge our child. This required us to relocate. Certainly more expensive, but we felt it was worth the cost. Much of this is do to nonparent caretakers challenging them without our paternal bias and also being able to emulate their older classmates.
Our kids LOVE going to daycare every weekday. We asked our employers if we could do it and they agreed. My wife got 3 months paid.
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I actually had to work 10 hrs a week as a contractor for my company. But they let me work from home and during nonbusiness hours. We must get rid of the myth that we can have it all!! We cannot have it all, especially at the same time! The best way to raise children is to be home with them as long as and as much as you can. I have 4 children ages 11, 9, 5, 8 months! I also Homeschool them! My husband works good hours so he spends a lot of time with them. I see people choose money and certain lifestyles over their children all the time!
Kids are not stupid and they know when our hearts are into them and they know when we are distracted by the world out there! There is a big difference between making a living and providing and working for riches!! Chasing riches will destroy a family!! My own experience has been working in the healthcare field where I see morons having kids left and right out of wedlock, are on drugs, would rather work the welfare system than have a career, are very religious high school dropouts, and basically have no business reproducing has left me with negative experiences.
They and their offspring are a horrific drain on society. Care to guess how much one of their seven kids costs tax payers just in prescriptions alone? The glares she received from people in line made her shut up real quick. I left that field years ago after one of the good people I used to assist was murdered by her own horrible son. After that I decided that my parents were right. None of us had that as a life goal. I refused and was nearly fired for it. I filed a complaint with the EEOC because of it. When you couple all of tax breaks people get for just having kids it gets worse.
In the U. Having a kid in poverty in a single parent family or having their grandparents raise them because one or both parents are incarcerated is the absolute worst thing one can do — but they get their Obama phones, Section 8 housing, food stamps, etc. Two of my friends quit the field altogether because the horrible brats can do whatever they want and there are no longer any consequences to bad behavior. They play the race cards, are here illegally and demand everyone pay their way.
The cycle of poverty has to stop and yet our policies are so backwards that it makes the problem much worse. Yes, your reply is. We have far too many people living miserable lives because their parents never bothered to ask if they were doing the right thing. If a realistic view of how people manipulate welfare programs and abuse incentives upsets you them perhaps you are part of the problem. Ten percent of our world population can do nothing useful.
The US imprisons the most people of any country in the world and we have so many unfunded mandates the funding mechanism is on the brink of collapsing. Great post — looking at the comments it seems like you tapped into a vein that many struggle with. I have three under 10 and am in my mids. My wife and I have been trying many different approaches. This could be either parent, a grandparent, another family member, a nanny or an au pair.
This can be supplemented by school or pre-school, e. The challenge is then figuring out how to achieve that based on your own circumstances. It seemed a bit absurd to us that you could be working hard only to stay in the same place in fact you are net down as carers also need holidays, and you need to fill in some of the things they cannot do. Neither of us wanted to be a full-time stay at home parent. Hence, our working solution like many things in life is a bit of a compromise.
We both have flexible part-time consulting careers, and the kids are in school and pre-school on a limited basis. This allows for each of us to have meetings and days away on an ad-hoc basis. We often find ourselves tag-teaming as single parents of 3 kids! It does mean you are on the outside for the big corporate money, and you are taking on risk as you are the first to be cut in a downturn. Strangely enough this slots in nicely with FI-stuff, the better the financial position, the more you can ride out the ups and downs. Also the lower your expenses, the less you need and the more able you are to work reduced hours.
Another tip is that you need lots of redundancy in your arrangements: people get sick, things go wrong or break, schools have closed days, holidays arrive, business propositions pop up. A tight schedule — e. We are in the unfortunate situation that while we want a family we are experiencing infertility so that has made it harder to plan. However, the time factor e. I mean I want FI, but when I consider all of the things that kids need financially it makes me think hopefully if we have kids that I will have to work until I am over 60 and I might just because I like my job.
Its good to hear you are striving for greatness! As a stay at home mom of 5 one is only 6 mo now its easy to forget that and give into tiredness and focus on getting dinner instead of enjoying eachother, which is really what its all about, thanks for the motivation! So exhausting. Time to wash the dishes. Time to clean the kitchen. Get everything ready before mama and little one wake up.
I would add that there is nothing quite like a sibling s. So, I will give you the side of the coin where both parents my wife and me worked for the same Fortune company and were never home full time with our daughter. I was a month short of my 41st birthday when she was born in Northern CA. Shortly after, we moved to the midwest where our corporate office was located. We were lucky on many fronts. First, we stayed put until she was five. We had a professionally run, onsite, corporate daycare center provided by our company. It was great because we could drop her off early and pick her up as late as pm.
We could even pop in for a mid-day visit if needed. We also could pick her up earlier and bring her in her baby carrier back to our office to finish up some work if we wanted. My staff loved those days so they could play with her. Our daycare was very diverse which contributed positively to her early development. We were invited to many diverse family get-togethers and celebrations and it was truly awesome!
When she was five we moved to the Southwest. Again, we were fortunate to have a local Boys and Girls Club close to our house. They had all kinds of great programs and she loved being there. In fact, she loved it so much she ultimately transitioned from attendee to staff member and worked part-time during her high school years and summers. In August this year we dropped her off at her very good Northeastern University to begin her Freshman year of college. She has been an awesome kid with a real love for service and especially anything focused around children.
She was top 10 in her HS class of and involved in many activities. All her teachers loved her. She hopes to pursue a medical career with an emphasis on pediatrics. So, only speaking for us, we managed two high profile careers and somehow got a kid through her first 19 years of life without screwing her up too bad. We were certainly fortunate to have the resources available to help us out but it can be done with the right planning and a bit of luck. I did intentionally turn down a couple of really good career opportunities in order to provide the stability we gave her.
She attended K without us ever having to move and I think that was a real blessing and something that contributed to her overall development, confidence, and self-esteem. Everybody has to make do with their circumstances and do the best they can. Nothing else seems even close. Things are a lot easier when kids are in school. We both work and have our 2nd little one on the way this December. But her going back part-time is definitely something we are thinking about strongly.
We are also fortunate to have family very close by. My wife and I both work full-time 40 hour work weeks, but she takes care of things with the kids in the morning while I get up in the wee hours to head off to the office, allowing me to leave work just in time to pick up the kids and supervise their afternoon and early evening. This might hurt my career because I always leave right on time, never make a work happy hour, and generally prioritize family over work as soon as I walk out the door each day. These things trump checking in with after hours work emails.
Sam, my son was born in April, so I am in the same boat. Medical is the tough one, birth cost me 7k out of pocket plus a mnth with a employer plan. I like the podcast format. I listened to it on my way to work this morning. Hopefully, it will continue in the future. I know because I feel that way on the weekends sometimes. I think we tend to romanticize parenthood to a certain extent.
Given how I spend almost hours of my day on the weekend feeding a baby who refuses to eat and deal with all the crying and tantrums, I think all of our family is better off with my husband and me working. Almost six years ago, my wife and I decided to knuckle down and make sure that she could stay home to raise our first of two kids.
It was something that was very important to us and especially to her. We were debt free except a mortgage, so that truly enabled us to have my wife stay home. We actually sat down and did the comparison between continuing having both of us work and have her stay at home. After additional expenses, we were really only going to net out a couple hundred dollars per month. That made the decision easy for us. No way to pay for everyday expenses, much less having to buy health insurance. So we would still have to have one of us working the 20 hours a week at Starbucks or something just to get insurance.
One of the solutions to this issue is that I make sure to take days off of work to spend time with the kids. Every Wednesday in the summer I take a half-day for me that means leaving at 10am and we plan some sort of activity with the kids. It could be just going to a park or on a hike, or it might be going to a big zoo or an amusement park. I also take time off to attend pre school activities that are during the day.
Anyway, thank you for this post. It was really insightful and has me refocus on those original goals we set up. And anyway, what do fulltime, hands-on parents actually do with all that time they spend with their kids? Structured activities? I have friends whose children are now in their teens, and who grew up with STAPs and a whole timetable brimming with SAs, and now they go crazy if they have some unstructured time on their hands. I think the way daycare is dismissed in this blog entry is both shortsighted and unfair.
What about all the socialising they do while at daycare? Is the socializing from age 2 or 5 onward not enough to develop social skills?
How to Be a Flexible Parent
I am surprise no one mentioned what I often refer to as tag teaming. I was fortunate that I was able to take a year off my career after each child. My husband and I were able to shift our hours. I would work early and be done by and he would start late in the day and work later into the evening. The kids were in daycare only six hours and two of those hours was nap time. I never had any fears about being an older parent. My mother had me at 33 and went on to have three more. My youngest brother was born when she was She has always been super active and involved.
I just assume that I inherited my grandmothers genes too. She passed away at 95 and was still driving at 92 and walking to church. And we still tag team with an 11 and 8 year old. One of us does mornings and the other is home after school. They are almost old enough to stay home for the 30 minutes it would take for husband to get off work and come home. We are both fortunate to have flexible jobs. I echo what others have said above, we think its even MORE important to be home now and in the future than when they were smaller.
There are so many topics that come up in conversation that need to be discussed, especially with a middle schooler. I just assumed, and I think most people assume that taking care of a child or children is always going to be a team effort, a tagteam effort, no matter what scenario you find yourself in. And when there is no team effort, resentment, bitterness, anger, frustration, and perhaps eventually divorce and ensues.
I see so many parents we could divorced within seven years after having kids. But you provide a great example on how you guys make it work, so thank you! Hopefully more jobs can provide flexible schedules. I did not want to click this post of yours. But I did. The reason I did not want to was because it said 5 years as some important period in parenting. If I were to tell whats to come, it kills the fun. It makes you biased, as a parent. Be spontaneous, and resilient. Have fun. Finally: All I can tell you is that your idea of 5 years is a joke to any experienced parent!
I hope it lasts more than 5. How long were you a stay at home parent for and how many kids do you have? This article rings home for me. My wife and I are aiming for number 2 during our early thirties over number 1 in our late thirties. Mostly due to the safety aspects for both mother and child of having a child earlier. I am extremely confused and disturbed by the reality that kids take effort and time equivalent to one adult full time job, maybe more my expectations pre baby was that baby goes to daycare all will be fine.
The reality that one parent has to stay home to have a somewhat balanced life in America, hits hard when its been six months in daycare and baby, mom and dad are all sick. In countries where labor is cheap, I see women balance this dilemma better. I currently work but am constantly torn by wanting to quit.
Having pondered on it, and being strongly feminist, quitting just seemed wrong maybe because I didnt want to spend my full time taking care of my child either, and felt like I was falling into a trap of mediocrity, never to get back to a challenging intellectually stimulating environment again. My conclusion however has been this: what I need is flexibility. I dont want to be a SAHM. I dont want to work a What I need is what you have created, a flexible business that makes money, and I am willing to put in the sweat equity now with one child, more than ever, for me the time to do this is right now.
Flexibility is key. I still have it and it is amazing. Currently working from home because the kids have off from school. Unfortunately, they are playing on their ipads while I work for a few hours. But I typically spend the afternoons with them on days like this, which is better than if they were in school and I was at work. Plus, they get to relax a bit and play.
If we lived in a different area one with more kids then I would send them out to play. I am in the same boat. My son is 18 months. As a working mom, I am constantly struggling to balance being a good mom and work. At times, everything seems to be going smoothly. Recently, he got sick, caught it in daycare, it last 3 weeks. The 3 weeks of extreme sleep deprivation and keeping up with a busy work schedule getting to worn me down, especially when I made a minor mistaken at work and the boss lecture me for an hour.
I felt like being a mediocre worker and mom. The guilt of not being able to stay home with him when he is not feeling well makes me feel guilty. This fires me up to save as much as I can to be FI and to have more options. Although I like working, I need flexibilities. We both work. Both engineers. There are a number of things here I would like to add. My wife craved adult interaction…even during maternity leave. It was exhausting. I worked all day to come home to a mad house and my poor wife felt as if it was my turn when I came home.
It was torture…for both of us. Not that twins is ever easy. But when we both went back to work…we were on the same wavelength. We both faced the same challenges, have the same outlets and it works. Had two nannies at different periods and have just stepped into a German Au Pair.
Its fun. It works for us. Our kids lack for nothing…and most importantly and I say that seriously , we can provide them with a happy home and a great marriage. This is so key. Some who go to work can come home full of energy to talk to the partner who has been starved of adult interaction. It was not for either of us. And honestly….
I doubt it would suit many here either. I say this in the most politically correct manner possible and it has been alluded to in a few posts above Hillary , but it is very hard to return to work. I have two HR friends, both young women, who actually have a term for women who have been out of the workforce. True story. There is something to this.
The corporate drive, the realignment to what actually is more important childcare and well being does not change the fact that they are no longer of the same caliber employee before they left.
Are you hiring?
That is not my opinion…and I am not trying to flame an argument but it is a real thing. Both parents balancing raising kids, a loving marriage and two jobs is not easy. But if you CAN pull it off…. Think of the example you are setting. No better way to guide than to be the example you want to teach. The over protection, over parenting of some kids is definitely showing up in some traits in Americas recent young adults.
Something to watch for. Responsibility and independence is important. People should be careful as to not overdoing it. These kids need to go to college and work and leave the next…preferably in the very early twenties: :. I worked full time and my wife chose to be a stay at home mom and raise three kids. She never felt any reason to restart her career since she was plenty busy taking care of the home and volunteering even after the kids became grown. I made plenty of money so she just early retired and eventually I joined her. Life is great, we do so much together and almost that much separately and have full lives.
Our kids are successful. I never felt working full time as a dad while their mom was full time at home deprived the kids at all. She got to choose exactly what she wanted. Oh,yeah and with one year of parenting, you are such a rook! I often think we do it backwards in life. We should work hard until 30, take a break for 5 to 10 years to raise ur kids, then get back at it at age 40 until whenever we want.
Alas that is not how the work career matrix is built. Kudos for finding a way to do it. Most of my dual income couple friends still work full time and leave their kids in daycare. This is a tough situation since you get minimal quality time with your kids and taxes and daycare take a huge bite out of your earnings.
So I would recommend those dual income parents to consider downsizing their life so one parent can stay home. Being a parent is no joke, so spending quality time with your kids is key. We got really lucky and found a great babysitter. We switched our schedules around so we could pick them up early enough to have time with them after work we did alternate schedule.
We took them to the park, did crafts, took the time to play and enjoy. Whatever you do as a parent, spend quality time with your kids, it will pay off. But having both of us around all the time has been such an amazing opportunity for our child now 20 months old. Love it, and heartily endorse this post! Life got so much easier when our kid started kindergarten.
I think taking time off work from when kids are 2 until they goes to kindergarten would be perfect. Well, maybe subconsciously or some kind of facial recognition background thing. The issue is that many people choose to have more than 1 kid. Then the break can go on and on. By the time, all the kids are in school, your skills are outdated.
I think you did it just right for your personality. I was lucky my mom stayed at home with me as a baby until late preschool age while my dad worked. I think that really helped us bond and have such a strong relationship. From my experience before age five not every kid benefits from being at home with mom and dad, nor is every parent wired to do that. I love my kids, but my oldest needed the managed structure of daycare before five. Our youngest on other hand is fine to be at home with mom and dad all day long. Having to leave her to go to work while she was a baby crushed me.
My wife went down to part-time and everything was good with both of them, but I felt left out somewhat. You lose the years of money toward retirement, but I think the bigger concern is paying the bills. Many families have themselves in a position that even if one spouse lost temporarily their job for example, they risk going into foreclosure. Good point and you are right. There is a Financial benefit though, and that is saving money on daycare costs and transportation costs For at least the first two years.
I imagine it is tough to balance the two. Unfortunately what I have seen happen with many new parents I work with is that both their parenting and their work suffers because they try to split their attention, get worn out, and just in general underperform. My son was in a full time preschool starting at age 2, which he loved. If I picked him up early, he complained!
I agree. I thought the part of the article about pre-school time recommendations was a little obnoxious. Everyone is different. There are others that do have M-F everyday, but they also say do not leave your kids all day for they want to be with their parents. For example, three pre-schools for 2 year olds have this curriculum: two days a week for hours a day. At three years old they move to 3 days a week for hours a day, and only until is it everyday. You can think the times are obnoxious, or you can ask whether something else is going on wrt work and child raising.
There is nothing wrong with chasing the money. The vast majority of people I know cannot quit the money. And then many more I talk to afterward say they wish they spent more time with their kids growing up. No worries, they get to sleep and play and have fun. As a lawyer as noted elsewhere in these comments it is damn near impossible to leave the profession and get back in.
POTOLOKROSTOV.RU/cache/legendary/xagu-romantic-getaways-in.php We both have taken extended leaves and are fortunate to have flexibility in our work schedules. Our children also were in nanny shares with one other kid and our nanny is like family to us. Not exactly throwing them to the wolves. If its not about the money than why would 2 highly educated adults choose to have someone else raise their kids in the most formative years of their life?
As their parents surely you think you could do a better job. I apologize for being judgemental. You could be the perfect family for all I know. Want to keep grabbing for the brass ring at work, chances are your family life will suffer. As for me, I know I made the right call to step back from the rat race to get more quality time at home, even if it meant taking a big paycut.
If you can get over the hump of having a nanny until the kids start school you are home free. My job is extremely flexible. I drop the kids off at school 2nd grade and pre-K everyday and I pick my son up at 2pm and then hop in the carpool line to pick up our daughter right when she gets out of school. My oldest was in daycare in my building full time until she was 4 and when we had our second I switched to part time and they were there about 6 hours per day.
Then we had 3 two years later and I continued to work part time until she was 2 had to vest in my state pension. You can spend plenty of time with kids even if you work and our daycare was wonderful. My husband spends less time with them during the week due to work, but seems to get in a good amount of time with them on the weekend. While having time off from is great, I think having time off or more flexible work schedules from are really important too.
What I want to write about is families like my own, and the ones that I coach. Families with flaws, quirks, and issues — in other words, inhabitants of the real world. When parents come to see a Family Coach, one of the most common goals they voice is for everyone to be happier. When things are going right, however, I think the following seven elements are usually in place. A hierarchy of power, with the parents at the top, sometimes seems like a terribly old-fashioned idea. These days most people prefer that the children have some say over family matters, are listened to, and their feelings are truly heard.
The problem with this philosophy is that parents sometimes lose their footing as they scramble to make sure the kids are getting the respect they deserve. Parents have got to be willing to wear their authority, a kind but a firm authority, from time to time. When we get too focused on the goal of short-term happiness e. The great thing about everyone knowing their place is that we can relax.
This might be why a fair amount of name-calling and unkind behaviour is allowed to go on in families, mostly between siblings but also between parents and children. Parents could be forgiven for thinking that family is a safe place for a bit of ribbing and learning to cope with jibes. I think that up to a certain point this is true. Families who are unhappy have often let this one slip away on them without even realising. But how we talk to one another, is one of the biggest determinants of a close and loving family feeling, and it is so worth the effort to make your family a put-down free zone.
It takes vigilance and consistency. When everyone is too busy, or too focused on simply getting through the day, it seems that one of the first things we drop is the family sense of humour. The truth is that all of these things keep body, soul and spirit healthy, bring family members closer together and help them feel better about each other, themselves, and life in general. There might be a game or movie that always sees everyone dissolve into fits of giggles. If there is, then do it regularly! The irony of course is that you need this stuff most when you feel like it least. Try hard to see and point out the humour in the silly, mundane, or annoying parts of life.
People in happy families, as a general rule, know the importance of flexibility. We also have to be willing to adjust an expectation we had of our child, partner, or ourselves. I think all families probably struggle to connect at times due to the pressures of time, work, and activity overload.
On top of that, as children get older, their personalities will take them in very different directions. They might prefer different kinds of jokes, books, movies, or one will play every sport going while the other might want to draw all day. Happy families build in an atmosphere of mutual support for everyone by making a deliberate choice to be actively interested in each other.
Saturday morning soccer might bore you rigid but you need to be there at least some of the time. In a happy family, people are allowed to make mistakes. I think this is one that is easy to get right on paper. We say all the right things, but what is the emotional atmosphere like when someone gets it wrong? Body language and facial expression will say so much more than the words.
The most powerful way to send a healthy message is in how we treat ourselves and our partners when we stuff up. Is forgiveness and acceptance of human error regularly practised?
Related Flexible Parents, Happy Family
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